Monday, November 19, 2007

The past is now.

Hiyas, it's morning over here, and the fog is not lifting, everything seemed to be wrapped into some kind of wooliness that looks very nice for my tired eyes.
This morning I was woken up by the phone, (and you know, that I hate to talk to ppl without having had my coffee and my morning cig.) However, this was an emergency call, so after some refreshing curses I calmed down.
One of my friends was in trouble, she had found out that she wasn't so far as she thought on her track of leaving the past behind. That is the funny thing with the past, we can assure ourselves that we have moved on, that we have become different people and that people who once got to us can't get to us now....
Then we meet them, and they push the right buttons, and there we are, back in time again, acting as we did back then. Without thinking about it. Until later, when the storm has calmed, and we have come home and feel real shitty about ourselves and pissed at the other one for so easy taking us back to what we once were. And making us think, if it is so easy, to become the one we were, aren't we still the same, and isn't the small steps forward thicker than this, just like some varnish that is not even water-resistant?

Yeah, I know, there aren't any easy answers on this, but as I said to her,
I think it is a step in the right direction, to recognize the fact that yes, she did act as she has, and yes, the other person still can make her go crazy, but way back then, she didn't recognize even recognize the fact that she was in a situation that made her feel bad, you know?

And the fact, that she could get out of the situation, and walk away, is another step forward.
Of course, I don't know if I am right...
Hmm, I think, in a way, we can never leave ourselves behind, the ones we were, they will be with us, and keep popping up, just to remind us, (no, not to make us feel bad) but to help us realize we are still walking, hopefully forward.
I think, when we don't recognize that the past has made a present visit, and we don't recognize it, then it is time for concern...
And yes, you can say, "But if you don't notice it, how could you be concerned?"

I don't know really, but hopefully there will be someone else who can tell us when this occurs.

Now, on to different matter, see, it is important that you feed me with your comments now when I can't feed my ego with visitor-numbers anymore.

("I knew it" they screamed "She is still the same self-centered bastard as always.")

Of course I am. One of the charming things with me, right?

On another matter, if you have friends, (I know you do) you can pass out this blog and your guest-account, it is all right, I don't mind.

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