Shirouz

The Woodruff Special.

2010-06-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

My friend Jocke's "The Woodruff Special.
The lowest VW in the world?

64 words for Aung San Suu Kyi!

2009-05-27T10:06:00.000-07:00

Leave a message of support, read all the others support.

http://64forsuu.org/

Help Aung San Suu Kyi and the political prisoners in Burma!

2009-05-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

Copy from Uk's Burma Campain!

Dear Friends, This morning Burma’s democracy leader, Aung San Suu Kyi was arrested by the regime and moved to Burma’s notorious Insein prison. It appears she will face trial for breaking the terms of her house arrest which forbids visitors, after an American man, John Yettaw, swam across Inya Lake and refused to leave her house.

Aung San Suu Kyi has committed no crime, she is the victim of a crime. There was an intruder in her house who refused to leave, yet she is the one being imprisoned. HELP AUNG SAN SUU KYI - TAKE ACTION NOWThe United Nations and ASEAN must dispatch envoys to Burma to demand the immediate release of Aung San Suu Kyi and all Burma’s political prisoners. Please go to this page where you can email the UN Secretary General, Ban Ki-Moon and ASEAN leaders to urge them to send envoys immediately. http://www.burmacampaign.org.uk/ASSK_action.html

As you know Burma’s generals will use any excuse to keep Aung San Suu Kyi detained. If strong action isn’t taken, Aung San Suu Kyi could face the rest of her life in jail. Please take action now. Aung San Suu Kyi could now spend the rest of her life in jail. http://www.burmacampaign.org.uk/ASSK_action.html

REPUTATION OF UN AND ASEAN IS AT STAKE It is not acceptable that the UN and ASEAN only speak out – they must take action. In the past their expressions of concern and statements have been ignored and defied

Aung San Suu Kyi, will celebrate her 63rd birthday alone, under house arrest.

2008-06-19T04:00:00.001-07:00

This Thursday, Burma's democracy leader, Aung San Suu Kyi, will celebrate her 63rd birthday alone, under house arrest.
She is now in her 13th year of detention yet she has committed no crime. She is imprisoned for peacefully calling for freedom and democracy in Burma. She isn't allowed to see family or friends as all visitors are banned. Her phone line is cut and her post is intercepted.
For the rest of this week we will send you an action a day so you can highlight the plight of Suu Kyi and the repressed people of Burma. Today we are asking you to send a message direct to the regime, asking them to free Aung San Suu Kyi and the other 1,919 political prisoners in Burma. Take action here: http://www.burmacampaign.org.uk/mtvaction.html
For taking a stand against Burma’s brutal regime, Aung San Suu Kyi is kept under house arrest. But international pressure keeps her safe. Aung San Suu Kyi asks for our support; “ Please use your liberty to promote ours”. Today please do that – send the regime an email http://www.burmacampaign.org.uk/mtvaction.html
On Thursday solidarity protests will be held worldwide. If you can, please join us at 1pm outside the Burmese Embassy in London (19A, Charles Street, London, W1J 5DX,Nearest tube: Green Park) find out more here: http://www.burmacampaign.org.uk/demonstrations.html

Burma.

2008-05-07T00:08:00.000-07:00

http://www.savethechildren.net/alliance/media/newsdesk/2008-05-06b.html

http://www.unicef.org/

A revelation.

2008-05-04T23:07:00.000-07:00

This morning I had an revelation, it might seem like a big word, but it's not a too little word for what I finally realized.
Those who are concerned, or should I say, those who will be directly involved in it, will be informed quite soon.
How they will react, I have no clue, but I am sure this is the right way to go.

It's quite interesting, sometimes I just "know" things deep back in my mind, but I am not quite ready to see them.
So they wait, in the shadows, until they one day, or night reveals themselves, and then everything seems so simple.
So, I have made a decision, which feels satisfying.
I am very glad.

First viper.

2008-04-28T22:50:00.001-07:00

The first viper made it's entrance yesterday, not very big and he or she was perfectly still on the path.
It's their time now.

... what a giddy mind can come up with...

2008-04-26T01:10:00.000-07:00

"Wheeeeeeeeeen I was an itty-bitty baby my mother used to rock me in a chair, in that ooooooold cotton-fields back hooooomeee!"

(Just thought I would share what song I have on my mind right now. I am sure I am misprinting the lyrics too. It's a shame that is the only line I can recall.
Anyway (in that ooooooooooooooooooold cotton-fields back hooooomee") I feel so tired so I am kinda giddy and kind of drunk.
A nice feeling to start off the morning with, I guess.

Yesterday I discovered Jimmy Durante by the way, I heard a song "The day I read a book", it was a great song!
Now I'm looking for more, and wondering why I haven't discovered him earlier.
On the other hand, it's okay, I'm always several years after everyone else, I still remember when my cousin showed up in the most hideous pants I've ever seen and took my silence for awe and she said "Well, when you grow up, you can have pants like this, too!"
"Hell no" I thought to myself, and yes I did start cursing very early as a kid.
What I also remember was that Beatles was playing in the background with "Shlawsjo, je, je je"
and somehow I must have blamed Beatles for the hideous pants and stayed away from them until I reached my 30s...
Then I discovered them, with the same attitude as Columbus must have had when the Indians discovered him. I mean, he obviously thought it was the other way around, we all know that.

Some might say it seems like the lack of sleep is doing me good, I am much more giggly and I must look very satisfied with life for anyone who sees me, it's mainly because I don't have the energy to change my facial expressions, what bothers me is that it looks like I am kinda smiling even if I'm not.
I don't want people to think I'm some kinda friendly bastard, how can I explain that it takes a lot less (hm?) energy to have sort of a smile in my face than bring my corner of my mouth down?
One sure would wish to know. Or not "one", I mean I.

I am also pleased to announce all the things I haven't done this week:

Clean the windows. Check, did not do that.
Replant some of the flowers. Check, did not.
Write a mail to my friend in another part of the world. And this I seriously would be doing, since I am writing it in my mind almost all the time, but it seems like it's hell to just sit down and do it. Not to mention the guilt I feel. It almost makes me wonder if I have a mini-Luther in my head that truly enjoys this.
Anyway. Check. Did not do that either.
Clean the bathroom-walls. Check. Not a chance in the world.
Dust the things, vacuum the floor and so on. Did not do that either.
Rearrange my cupboard with the T-shirts in. Check. Did not do that either. On the other hand I managed to drag out all the T-shirts on the floor and the cats been sleeping on it, so now I need to have a full laundry-day very soon.
Did not have a laundry-day. Check. But I thought about it.

There's other things I did do.
Helped my friend plant her flowers.
Gave all her flowers out in the garden water.
Heard some really mind blowing stories about the Second World War.
And another one about ebb and flow.
Talked in the phone, the rare time when that idiot-phone (which I love so much since it's pink and really a cute little thing) worked, now when I found the papers that shows it has a warranty for six more months, all of a sudden it works like a charm. Explain that if you can...
Thought about cleaning windows, doing all the things I should do and felt bad about it.
Walked in the forest almost every day. What I got out of it is a knee that hurts. I am getting old, I just have to face it.
Tried to watch TV in the night but fell asleep.
Talked to the cats about how life should be. They ignored me as usual. I am used to that.
Wrote on the blog. Hm, strange thing, by the way, I am thinking about moving this blog to another place, but with my time-planning we all know it will take a helluva time before I get there.
Hm, I think this was all for now.
Talk to you later.

What would it be like?

2008-04-23T23:38:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm waiting for the time to pass...
I wonder what it would be like, if we didn't have any time to call time, if we all just went on doing the things we wanted without thinking about which time it is?
Shops would be open at any time, as well as closed.
We would call our friends in the middle of the night, walk to work whenever we wanted and decide to quit when we felt bored.
We would eat a full dinner in the morning then go to bed and wake up in the afternoon when we would decide that maybe now would be a good time for breakfast.

One lucky bastard.

2008-04-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I'm so damn Buddha-like so it's unimaginable...

Yesterday, at the mall, the clock was about five minutes to nine, and in the tobacco-shop the man who always looks like he swallowed like a lemon in a transverse way was residing....
I walked up to the counter, and noticed the steel doors in front of the tobacco was down.
I said "Hi" and waited, because he doesn't like to say hi either, but I'm the patient type and finally he said "Hi..." meanwhile he looked at me like he wondered what the cat dragged in.
"A pack of tobacco, please." I said. And waited...

He turned his head, watched the steel doors that was down, like it was a big surprise to him, then watched the clock, which now was three minutes to nine, then turned his head again and looked at me with some kind of pleasure...
"It's closed!"
I looked back at him, raised one eyebrow and smiled my biggest grin
"Oh, really? Well, I'll take it tomorrow then! Bye bye now!

The other girl, behind the counter, tried to say "But we...."
but I just kept on "Oh, no, don't bother, bye bye!!"

I guess I don't even have to say that he looked like he managed to swallow a gang of lemons...
I am very pleased with myself. And my mood. And temper...

However, he's one lucky bastard that he didn't meet me when I'm on pms...

Bite me.

2008-04-16T01:45:00.000-07:00

I'm over the diet!
That diet can bite me!
I don't have time to eat half a turkey for lunch and the rest for dinner.
I don't have time to rinse all the lettuce that's available in Sweden.
I have a life.
I am going back to it.

Today, tofu, rice and a helluva lot of creme fraiche!
Yea, man!

A little more rambling thoughts. Or wandering thoughts...

2008-04-10T10:03:00.000-07:00

Next week, well, on Monday, we'll be starting to eat no rice, no potatoes, no bread and no sugarbombs.
Hm, excuse me, I should probably have written next Monday we will stop and live a normal life.

It's some kinda GI-thing over here in Sweden, don't know if it has reached further, but I suspect it has, and my guy thought, well, why not try it and I said, alright...

I don't have a problem with the quinoa and bulgur-stuff, I quite enjoy it, but the basmati-rice, hell, I love that rice..

Anyway, we'll try it for two weeks, and as I said, "we better go by the chocolate-factory tomorrow (yes, we have one, close to us...aren't we lucky bastards?) so I have some chocolate to delight myself with during the weekends.

Because, if you can't enjoy something extra during the weekends, what's the point anyway?

Over to other stuff, I am still behind on my schedule on things to do, but I have slowed down, it's okay, and it's alright if things wont get done.
It's life and life has it's own meaning.
(Wow, I almost felt a bit zen there.)

The spring is coming, and I don't know, but it feels a bit sad, I mean, when midsummer comes we are heading for the darker times again, it goes so damn fast...
So fast..
And I know, it might sound typical Swedish to think about the longer darker days that will come instead of enjoying the light that I have now.
It might be typical Swedish, I don't know...

I spent today with dusting off my Tutanchamun-rug, I thought to myself that the old Egypts would have been proud of me, kneeling in front of the old Tut for over an hour.
It felt really appropriate and now the carpet shines very bright again.
I think the gods are very pleased with me....

Besides that, what else is new...
Went out in the forest today, it's amazing really how good it feels just to be able to be out in the woods. Right now, it's the best of times, the birds are sounding like they are overjoyed and it is still not spring, not summer, but something very close to spring.
Everything seems to be waiting. For that signal when everything will start to bloom and blossom, but not yet.
Anyway, I talk to you later, right now I have to check up some food that we'll be eating next week.

Oh, I almost forgot...

2008-04-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

Oh!
I saw something from San Fransisco last night, about a man who hides behinds some bushes at Fisherman's wharf and scares people...
I just thought I would tell that... I wonder if he's still around?

The only problem.

2008-04-08T14:38:00.000-07:00

The only problem with reading Emerson and all those and ponder over serious matters is that I do seem to get so serious.
I might have to read Montaigne's thoughts about farting just to cheer me up.
I think I'll do that tomorrow.

Some more thoughts.

2008-04-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

I'm reading Emerson again, he speaks about history, saying that we have to make the history to our history, that it in fact should be called biography instead, he speaks about how we recognize others words and how we can understand eachother and ourselves more...

It's strange, but when things get chaotic I turn to my old writers and read them, I read about Oscar Wildes last years in life, Emerson's thoughts and soon I will pick up Montaigne again.

Today, by the way, I got a call from the Ie-office, she said I wasn't material for them right now, if I had been feeling better I would probably said "Yeeayyy!" but she caught me when I was tired as hell so all I said was sort of "Okay, I see... Good..."
She sounded like she wondered why I didn't sound happier, on the other hand, I am not sure if it calls for any joy that they realize I am not what they should be looking for.
Not sure of that at all.
But of course, it lifts a stone from my shoulders or whatever the saying is...

Besides that, right now I think I am having a backlash from the last weeks hecticness (?),
I am tired as if I was paid to sleep, and I sleep a lot. I read and sleep and I sleep and I read..

Emerson also mentions how good we are to neglect our own thoughts and words, then we hear someone else saying the same things we thought, and we are agreeing on those others words, belonging to them, just because we didn't dare to believe in our own greatness or should I say ability to think and say what we feel because we are sure someone must have something better to say...
That's quite wise words...

However, spring might be coming here, soon, that's good, and I think if I just get the balance back in when it comes to doing stuff and not doing stuff, things will be run smoother.
Tomorrow a friends coming for coffee, and that's all I been planning for, no idiotic ideas of cleaning windows or cleaning the flat or redecorating something, I just have to face it, four weeks of not doing anything are four weeks when I did nothing, and that's just the way it is.
It doesn't pay to try and catch up, because if I think about it, a bit deeper, what am I trying to catch up with anyway?
Except my own "musts" and "should's" and so on, and hell, I know so much better than to fall in that trap once again.
I really do.
So, taking it slow, relax and just let the day go as it wish, that's worked before and will work now on too.
I think, that sometimes when life runs smooth, one gets this feeling that "it's better to try and get as much done as possible now when I am sort of in a good flow" when really one should just try and get the things done as well as possible, and take just those things that are important to oneself.
Well, a lot of rambling tonight, and not edited or spellchecked, I do feel rather lazy tonight in fact, what's on my agenda for tonight is some watching of Fraiser at midnight and then sleep as long as I wish. Maybe a run or walk in the forest tomorrow, I really enjoy being able to do that again.

Hmm, I do wonder how the Olympic torch had it in S.F. by the way?

I have read some people saying that the Olympics has nothing to do with China as a dictature, that sport never should be connected to politics and so on.
For me, being the biased bastard I am, I just think it's fucked up to ignore what's happening in Burma, with China's good will, what's happening in Darfur and what's happening in Tibet.
With just the words that "it's sports, not politics."
You can call it what you want, but to me, it's just not right.
I can't pretend to not know what is going on. And pretend that everything is good and jolly meanwhile I know so well what's going on.
I am sorry, or no, I am not sorry, if you can, that's your problem.
But I can't.

A little this and that.

2008-04-06T06:30:00.000-07:00

Right now I seem to have difficulties to think and write in both languages, it seems like one would be the ultimate thing, and then I think I would have to go with this one, since I do like to twist and turn a lingo that I am not so familiar with. But I have to think about it.

It's been quite a hectic week, I have (being the wise (hmm..) person I am tried to get all things done that I haven't been able to do in the month when I have been sick...)
All I can say it isn't exactly working.

The only thing I managed to do is to stress myself out.

One would think, that someone that knows so much about taking care of myself would be better to realize my own limits, then again, I guess this is what we call "to be human", to always try and stretch oneself just a little bit more, do one more thing and so on...

I have been planting my flowers, cleaning the closets, walking (and hell, how much condition one loose in one month, I tell you, it's ridiculous... On the other hand, it's coming back quite fast, but anyway....)

This Friday, a friend suggested that we should have a couple of beers, and man, did I need it...

I know, some people say that you shouldn't use alcohol as a stress-reliever, but seriously, I didn't care about them this Friday, what I did realize was though that I really needed to not care about anything more important than another beer and another laugh...

Yes, another laugh, because I realized I haven't exactly been laughing my ass off this March, you know what's been going on, and it's been tough. We're not out of it yet, but by now all we are doing is to wait and see what'll be happening.

It'll be okay, I hope. Or not.

Anyway, it will be one way or the other.

My friend isn't doing any progress either, you know, I should probably say that anything I say here about her has been "okay-ed" from her side, otherwise I would never written about her.

But this week she told me that the person she talks with now, who tries to help her, had suggested that she should seek psychological help in order to dig through stuff that happened in the past, a thing that she does not want, because as she said to me "I am over that, I am done with it, what's the use to dig up that shit again?"
And I said, "Well, if you're so over and done with all that, why are you feeling so bad then? I mean, it's not a strange thing that you feel bad with the unemployment and the ie-office hanging around your neck, but seriously, you haven't been feeling okay before that either. If you're so over with everything in the past, why the hell don't you just feel fine? Or felt fine before?"

(And yeah, I know, I probably wont get a friendship-award this year... But I really wanted to know why.)

So now, she's thinking about if maybe she should take a step back in time and dig up some things... We'll see. As I said, I am not saying that is the solution, but why the hell not give it a try before rejecting it.

Maybe I am wrong.

I don't know.

Well, that's all for me now, how you been?

This is what it's all about.

2008-03-31T00:44:00.001-07:00

This morning, finally, at last and about time I went out in the woods, it's been over a month since last time and you know I missed it like hell.

First ten minutes it felt like pure punishment, but then the further I got into the woods the familiar feeling that nothing matters except the next breath of air and the next step came back to me, I tell you, it's a drug like nothing else...

This morning I went further into the woods, making my way down a path that is usually too muddy this time a year and I saw a little road down below, so I went down and recognized that this must be the road I took before I got sick.

It's a small gravel-road, long and winding where the firs are really high, every time the road takes a new turn you probably would wonder like I did where it'll lead you, then all of a sudden the forest just takes a step back and you see an open meadow where there's two houses, it's really amazing, when I walked there, before I got sick I thought to myself, "the ones living here must be happy every day they walk out on the porch."

Then again, I know maybe they aren't, people can be unhappy at the most beautiful places in the world, that's a fact...
But I think I would be happy there, the view of the meadows, the forest standing, sort of watching everything and a feeling of serenity that you can almost touch.
It's beautiful, and my thoughts are going that maybe it's time for me to move, somewhere out on the country, to a place where I can't hear anything except the wind in the trees.
Yeah... Maybe it is time...

Tibet, uprising. Photos.

2008-03-27T23:53:00.001-07:00

http://tibettimes.blogspot.com/2008/03/tibet-uprising-pictures.html

Activists stage protest against the junta's constitution in Burma.

2008-03-27T23:30:00.000-07:00

http://www.irrawaddy.org/article.php?art_id=11141

Can you believe it?

2008-03-25T01:06:00.000-07:00

I forgot to tell you, the snow is back here!!!!

Can you believe it? We are speaking about the end of March, and the Sunday, before this Sunday, I told my bloke that "Well, now we're not going to have any more snow, I think."

Monday when we woke up, everything was white!
The temperature is very low below average, from being ten degrees higher from what is normal for a long time, now we are under average.

This must be a joke. Someone please remove the snow.
Now.

Hmm...

2008-03-25T00:57:00.000-07:00

This morning I said to my cold
"Well, that's it, you're officially out of here, I had it with you, leave me alone, go and pester someone else!"
My cold responded with three sneezes that echoed through the house, so I guess I better just realize I have nothing to say about how long it will stay.
Yes, I feel pity for myself, I feel sorry for myself and quite angry right now.

There are so many people in this world, why can't someone else have this?
I am sure someone out there deserves it more than me.

I have things to do, you know, (and the reader can here sigh and say "Oh boy, here we go again with a whining-act, I can't believe it!") I should write a mail to my friend, a mail that is late already (sorry about that.) I have laundry to do, but the pure thought of standing in the laundry-room gives me shivers and a fever. I have an apartment to clean!
Even if I did do a panic-cleaning before a friend showed up here Friday night.
But it's not enough, I can see the "dust-rats" looking at me from under the bed...

I have to do some of Jamie Oliver's food, I mean, I bought his cookbook in order to surprise myself with delicious food, I have read the recipes meanwhile everything I have been eating tastes like porridge...

The only thing I am capable of is to play computer-games and sleep, I feel like I am a teenager.
Hm...
Double-hm...

Now, that's not such a bad thing, is it?
Hmm...

So much for positive thinking..........

2008-03-22T10:28:00.000-07:00

Ahem... Yeah, I know... If you read the post I first wrote today...................

So much for positive thinking, eh?

I bet you can picture my quite embarrassed grin right now.............

That's what I am.

2008-03-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

It's Easter Eve now, and no, I have not celebrated it with eggs as the tradition goes, hmm, makes me wonder, is it the same over there? Do you eat a lot of eggs?

I've been doing exactly nothing today, I know I now will sound like an old lady who's only interest is to talk about diseases, but this fucking cold is really, really fond of me. Too bad I ain't so fond of it myself.

It's been two weeks now since I ran in the woods, and you know, I miss it like hell, but training with a cold somehow doesn't seem so wise...

So, what I do, is to walk around here and feeling like I'm becoming a quite chubby bastard instead, a chubby bastard with a cold, a chubby bastard, with a cold and hair who needs to be trimmed, a chubby bastard, with a cold, hair who needs to be trimmed and laundry that should've been done a week ago, a chubby bastard, with a cold, hair who needs to be trimmed, not-done laundry and quite pale, you could mistake me for being Count Dracula's long lost aunt...

Yeah, I know, it's quite depressing to read, so, I guess I am a quite chubby bastard, with a cold, with hair that is too long, too much laundry, pale and also writing depressing blogs.

I am quite a miserable bastard...
But...
I'm writing it with a grin. That's what counts, eh?
Happy Easter folks, I speak to you soon again.

Positive thinking maybe?

2008-03-19T00:51:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I saw a man talking on the telly (Yes, amazing what they show on telly nowadays, eh?) he is a brain surgeon and talked about why we feel so bad when we're having it so good in our lives.

I talked about him on my Swedish blog, but then I thought today I would talk about him here too, for those who are reading both the Swedish and the English blog, this might feel like a rerun, but who cares....

Anyway, he talked about that walking 30-40 minutes every day is as good as eating anti depressive medicine, in a study you could see that those who were eating pills were more likely to relapse into depression than those who were walking every day.

How about that, eh?

He also talked about Omega3, how important it is to eat it, and the importance of laughter, gather with friends and the importance of positive thinking, he talked about the nuns of Mankato, who became old as a rock but showed no signs of senility, and of course, the scientists wondered why, anyway, they were allowed to perform autopsy on the nuns, after they were dead .(yea, I know, doing an autopsy on a living person isn't very common. I better say that before you do...)

They also looked at the applications the nuns did when they applied to the monastery, it showed that those who had a positive view of life and were sure of what they wanted, they didn't become senile at all, however, those who were a bit unsure, they showed small signs of senility.

Cool, eh?

And yes, you should google "The nuns of Mankato" and read it, it is interesting...

Maybe you know?

2008-03-18T09:05:00.001-07:00

I can't really say that I am proud over that I said "suit yourself", but what I am wondering, is what to say to someone who doesn't even listen?
Speaking to deaf ears is not easy.

Then again, I have been there myself, when I crashed into my own personal wall, then again, I didn't quite feel that I had an option to go against myself, if you know what I mean?

When the body signals that you really need to rest, who am I to argue with it?
I know, at least one of you who reads this usually has a lot of good ideas, so maybe you know what to say, when someone doesn't listen...
Because, I sure don't know what to say now...

Suit yourself....

2008-03-18T08:07:00.000-07:00

It's snow and cold here, and I have had some interesting conversations with a friend of mine,
see, when you run straight into the wall, when you get burned out, what everyone says is "You must rest, your body is telling you it needs that rest, so don't do a lot of stuff."

In short, what I told my friend now, when she hit the famous wall herself.

But she isn't to keen on listening on any ear, so this morning when I spoke to her, I said "Well, what are you going to do today?"
"Oh, going to a town ten miles away from here, shopping, you know."
"Suit yourself." was what I said.

Maybe harsh, maybe a bit cold to say like that, but what to do if people refuse to listen?

Just a few words about nothing.

2008-03-15T02:34:00.001-07:00

This bloody cold is getting on my nerves.
Yesterday I spent slamming gnomes in the head and having a restaurant to take care of, the slamming of gnomes was very nice, but the restaurant made me feel really stressed.

Of course, it was games, yeah, I bet you guessed that already.
My only problem now is that they won't let me play more than 60 minutes, after that there is a demand to pay for the game, and being the kind of bastard who has a hard time to choose whether I want the game or not I haven't bought any of them yet.

Today will be slow, the cold is (as I said, yes) getting on my nerves and I have a lot of coughing to do, talk to you tomorrow, cya.

Why the need to fit in?

2008-03-14T00:16:00.000-07:00

So, I have spent some more time in order to watch daytime-television, it's truly amazing and it makes me wonder how something that is so "light" and so entertaining can bug me so much.

But there's no edge, everything is nice and sweet and oh so lovely, it makes me wish for someone stepping into the studio, saying "I don't like that, or him or her at all."
Stir up some motion, you know.

Something of the worst must be to be mostly harmless, always blend in and to be always following the same lines as others already drawn for you.
Sure, you can say there's security in always fitting in, but what kind of security is it anyway?
I am not sure where the wish and the longing comes from, this to be part of a society where everyone thinks the same, or should I say, stopped thinking at all?

I know, some people think the worst thing that can happen when you are talking to someone is in case someone would disagree, they find that kind of situations very unpleasant, so most of the time they agree with anyone they might happen to talk to.
Even if they disagree in their minds.

This longing to fit in somewhere, when what really should matter is to make sure you fit in into yourself, because then you truly are home.
And space will be available for you, anywhere you want to.... I am sure of that.
Hm, I have to ponder some more, you got any ideas?

Ban Ki-moon – Go To Burma!

2008-03-12T00:38:00.000-07:00

http://www.burmacampaign.org.uk/mtvaction.html

Click on the link and take action.

Even you could do it. Or dare I say, should do it?

Yes. You should.

I just don't feel it.

2008-03-11T01:23:00.000-07:00

Well, I take it as you all agree with me on the matter of the subject below.
Great.
If you didn't I would have to declare you for being a cynical bastard only caring for yourself and that would have been really unpleasant for both of us, right?

Another matter right now, I got such a helluva cold so it's unbelievable, which always leads me to feel a bit miserable.
I don't like people or anything right now.
(Yes, I can write that, since I am in charge of this masterpiece, even if I just mentioned I would be ready in no time at all to declare you for being a not so much a human-friend.)

I've spent time on the couch, it's amazing how much shit it is on the telly, just when I thought it was enough and that the media couldn't dish out some more useless infotainment they surprise me and slam me with yet another housewife standing and telling me how to make my own napkins!?

Seriously, they gotta be kidding.

Against my will I notice that I can't stop looking, next I am shown how to bake a lid to a pie. (I know, it's probably not the right word for what you put on top of a pie, but remember I am sick and don't have any patience right now.)
What any sane housewife should do, is to make a million little circles and then fold them around the pie!
Yep, indeedy!
It will be so neat, and so nice and so fresh and lovely so you wouldn't believe it!

By now I am almost hanging off the couch meanwhile my fever heated brain insists that I must be hallucinating.

But no, I can see the result when it comes out of the oven, and the two ladies talking are almost overexcited when they see the result, it is so nice, so fresh, so lovely, it is amazing!

Meanwhile all this fixing with circles are going on they chitchat with each others about actors and everyone they are mentioning are of course lovely and charming and intelligent people.

By now I am almost starting to suspect they would accuse me for being lovely and charming too if they ever had the pleasure to meet me.

But I hang on, I can't stop watching, it's amazing to see, an hour of lovely and charming telly, daytime tv at it's best.
How charming. How lovely. How....

And yes, I know, I am not exactly showing of a compassionate side right now, well, what can I say, deep deep down inside, I am sure it is charming. And lovely.
I just don't feel it. Yet.

A longer comment.

2008-03-10T00:26:00.000-07:00

What we have been discussing under the comments somehow made me think, (as I said in one comment) that what people nowadays really should need is someone who is actually there, seeing them for who they are, without judging them.
Because, in my opinon, we don't need to judge someone else, hand on the heart, don't we all know that the one who judges the hardest is our self?

You know, what strikes me a lot these days, is that many people seem to lack compassion, it seems like it is so much easier to condemn others, say that they are "weak" or that "I don't have the time to get into that matter" and so on.
It's nowadays very much all about "me" and "mine", and that seems to be okay.
Such views scares the hell out of me, I don't know why or if it is really like this, that we stopped to care.
Or listen or try to make an effort to change things, or when we got so busy that we don't have the time for our friends and the ones we love.
It's like somehow, humanity thinks that everything can be postponed, because there is always something else to do.
We get gurus who tells us how to live, how to spend our time, how to succeed and so on.
But somewhere there aren't many who talks about the fact that the only one we really should listen to is ourselves, that no one else can tell what is exactly right for us.
The thing about setting aside meetings with friends and families are also strange, it's like we expect all others to live forever, or to be there, when we have the time to spend it with them.
We all know that is bullshit, if we want to, surely we could find that time, easily.
All that time when we spend in front of our computers or in front of the telly...

Time

2008-03-08T02:16:00.001-08:00

I've been thinking a lot about time lately, when I am anticipating something, the time moves slow as heck, and when the moment finally arrives, time flies.

When I am fearing something, time moves so slow, until the moment comes, and then time continues to move slow, very slow, almost as someone was forcing the time not to move.

In reality it can't be either faster or slower, I know that, it is just how I feel...

Looking back, when I was young, in the summer, the days were endless, everything could happen in one day, and there were still room for more, now it feels like a week goes by and sometimes I don't even notice it.

300 years.

2008-03-08T01:56:00.000-08:00

They say it takes three hundred years for an oak to grow up,
three hundred years to live
and three hundred years to die.

Isn't that something to ponder over?

Let's hope they are right.

2008-03-05T22:59:00.000-08:00

Well, today, another day, another meeting.

Yesterday I met with my friend, the one who is in trouble with the powers investigated when it comes to decide whether you are sick or not.

Right now, she's on medication, antidepressives, it also means she suffers from a not so few side-effects....

Shaking like a leaf in storm for example. Dry mouth. More anxiety.
Of course, these are just a few things of the side-effects . And yes, I know not all suffers from things like this...

It has to get worse, before you can get better, they say.

Let's hope they are right.

All the time in the world.

2008-03-04T23:44:00.000-08:00

It's Wednesday today, well, what can I say, the ones who need to know how it went are informed, so you know.
Right now, I feel a bit tired of talking about me and myself, even if it is indeed an interesting subject for me usually.
I guess even I can get tired of having all the time in the world of talking too much about me, eh?

Yes, it's Tuesday, allright.

2008-03-03T23:35:00.001-08:00

Well, kids, today is the day.
I wouldn't say I feel up for it, in fact, I feel more like that if I had a stand-in I would send that one to the meeting.

I don't like this idea at all, but who cares?

Today feels more like a day when everything I am going to do is going to go to hell.

I am already feeling like I am walking the green mile you know...
(Stephen King, yes.)

I feel like I am ordered to walk up on a stage and sing like a canary, back in the Wild West, and I just know someone is going to shoot me in the leg because I sound more like an old dog.

Yesterday wasn't fun either, when I think about it, on the other hand, I found some distraction when I read "Cell" by Stephen King, let's just say that he is able to take your mind of things happening in your life and make you start worrying for other things like cell phones and power aggregates and such stuff.
Very well done mr King.

Hm, well, I don't think I will be more spiritual right here, you know, I'll write you a mail and tell you all about how it went.
Cross your fingers.

Does it matter?

2008-03-02T23:27:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow is the meeting...
We'll see, right now I am so seriously tired and pissed off so I doubt that I will be able to say something more valuable than "Man, I am soo tired.."

Because, tired is what I am.
I am tired of trying to explain to people who doesn't understand.
I am tired of authorities, hrm, well, to be specific, I never liked people who sees themselves as authorities just because they belive they are.

I remember my first meeting with an authority in my life...
My first teacher, trying to tell me, how to spell the letters.
"You start writing all letters from the top."
"Why?"
"Because, that is what we all do, you are doing it wrong, when you start from the bottom."
"But, it looks the same, what is the point?"
"Just do it like it is supposed to be done."

I didn't even consider to do it as she told me to, there was no point in it, my letters looked just fine.
Sometimes, nowadays, some people are saying "Oh, how are you writing your letters?" and they giggle a bit.
My answer is always "Does it matter?"

Either that or my age.

2008-02-29T06:11:00.000-08:00

I guess it might be the spring making me so tired.
Either that or my age.

I guess it's because I am stressed I forget so much.
Either that or my age.

I guess I got water in my ear when I washed my hair earlier.
Either that or my age.

I guess the fact that I need to take off my glasses in order to see things that are close to me is because my glasses are dirty.
Either that or my age.

I guess the fact that I think the youth of today has no taste when it comes to music is because that is actually a fact.
Either that or my age.

I guess the fact that I still think "Wow, was he born in 91? Where did the years go, wasn't he a toddler just yesterday?" is because of the fact that time now moves faster.
Either that or my age.

I guess the fact that I am a bit cranky and more ready to growl nowadays is because things actually are more welcoming to such behavior.
Either that or my age.

I forget. And forgot.

2008-02-27T23:14:00.000-08:00

Some facts...
In the last week I have:
Lost my cellphone. (but found it again).
Went into grocery stores, forgot half of what I am planning to buy, which lead to me going back, coming out with much more than I needed.
Realized that I have forgot what I bought before, so I am right now very well equipped with for example cheese...
Forgot to turn off the coffeemaker.
Forgot if I turned off the stove or not, so I had to check if I did or not.
Forgot most of the things I have already told my friends so I am endlessly repeating myself in conversations with them.
Forgot if I called my guy or not.
Forgot about the booksales that started this tuesday.
Forgot about what I had for dinner yesterday.
Forgot the groceries on the table after shopping, instead I was standing babbling with my neighbour. Remembered the groceries meanwhile I talked to her, but forgot them again until she reminded me...
Forgot about things I promised to do for others.
Forgot that I would meet my friend today, so instead I booked me in the laundryroom today, but now I remember.
Well, I'll probably see her another day, that is of course , unless I forget about knowing her totally.

Brave, braver, bravest....

2008-02-26T00:36:00.000-08:00

As I said in the Swedish blog...
It's official, I got a cold.

I knew it.
But you know how brave I am, no one hardly notice it, except for the friends I called with my voice sounding like I was one step from the grave.
They didn't sound like they understood how serious this situation were, in fact, many of them said "Well, I got to go now" or "Sorry to hear, but now I have to shave the cat."

I mean, it's not like I am a hypochondriac something, but I do believe a cold should be taken serious, I also believe that a lot of chocolate and good food would improve my health situation.

I also do believe I could benefit from seeing my friends faces for a short while, maybe 20 minutes meanwhile they cook for me, do the dishes and make me coffee.

It also gives them an opportunity to exercise, since I live on this hill.

But do you think they sound thankful for me giving them this opportunity to feel like they are actually doing something with their lives?

Oh well...
It's hard to be such a brave person like I am.
Maybe I should call my guy too right now, and tell him how sick I am, the only thing that bothers me is that he beat me to it, when coming to having a cold. I almost (just almost) are willing to say that he sounded worse than me.
But just almost.

Yes. I am responsible for everything.

2008-02-25T06:39:00.000-08:00

Okay, so, the best things with cats, might be the way they look at you.

Now, when we have had a storm over here, my cats has not been pleased with me at all.
They went out on the balcony, and Asta The Cat, who is both a tiny little catgirl and has a helluva temper went out on the floor, then when the wind made a mess with her fur she turned around and just glared at me.

Like she was saying "Well, don't just stand there! Do something! Make it stop! Now!"

When she understood that I wouldn't do anything about it, she went in, with a frown on her tail and I can swear I heard her growl "Typical, what a lazy human she is, now I have to spend half an hour to get my fur in order again! Typical!"

Diezel on the other hand was standing under a chair, with his eyes almost closed, I could almost feel how much he enjoyed the storm.

When he came in, he was, hmm, let's call it in a stormy mood himself, he chased Asta around the flat about tenthousand times.

There's always a prize to pay.

2008-02-24T02:14:00.000-08:00

I was actually feeling fine until about ten minutes ago...

We were out last night, since I thought the best thing to do might just be to do a fun thin in order to not cave in thinking about whatever problems that might occur.

The odd thing when I woke up was that I didn't even feel a slight hangover.
I should have known better.
It was just waiting for me to believe it wouldn't happen at all.

Now it has moved in, with grey clouds over my head and a whole bunch of tap-dancing on my head, I feel a bit shaky and very, very tired.

Well, as I said, there's almost always a prize to pay.
Then again, I know the cure...

Food. And salty food. And water. Buckets of water. And calm environment.
Now all I have to do is to tell the storm to stop storming.

Am I excused?

2008-02-23T02:19:00.000-08:00

So...
Even if I am right now, in a helluva mood, I can't help to se the irony in that I just wrote a whole piece on how I think other's should live, meanwhile I tell people to not do the same themselves.

Good to know I haven't lost my sense of humor....

I am so tired of....

2008-02-23T01:48:00.000-08:00

Let's have a rant.

Right now, I am so tired of people who thinks they knows best.
I am tired of people who thinks life is easy.
It only makes me suspect they are living in La-la-land or that they are having a stash of illegal drugs at home which they use every morning.

I am tired, no, I am irritated when people try to tell me how I should live my life.
There is only one expert on that matter, and that is me.

I have always (almost) trusted my gut-feeling, the times I have not, I have also had to pay for it.
So, it doesn't matter what anyone else is saying, when it doesn't feel right anyway.
It is possible you know exactly how to live what we call life, but that doesn't automatically mean, that your way is right for anyone else except you.

Life is never easy, sometimes, yes, it can give you a feeling that everything in life is free, and reachable, but sometimes there are prizes one has to pay, and sometimes when you are sure, that you really, really want that, this, him or her, you might find out that the prize you paid was way too high.

Then, you have to either live with it, or deal with it.
If you don't, it's your choice, and your life, not someone else's fault.
Sometimes you are totally alone in this world, surely there are friends and family trying to help out, but the biggest battles you will have to fight, are sometimes the one with yourself.
You can have a choir of people cheering for you, but it doesn't matter in the long run, if you are not convinced yourself that you will win.
If you don't have that inner gut-feeling, that you know that what you are doing is right.

I do believe in that.
How about you?

Yep, one of the things.

2008-02-21T08:41:00.000-08:00

It just hit me.

One of the best things with being a woman is that no one finds it strange if we change opinions just like that.

It's a woman's prerogative to be able to think one thing in the morning, think another thing at noon and at night totally changed perspective on how things are.
Or should be.
Or could be.

I like that.

100 % assured.

2008-02-21T04:28:00.001-08:00

I heard this comment, the other day, as an excuse for why someone was trying to make sure she would get what she wanted, and while trying to get what she wanted was disclosed as someone telling a big lie...
"I want to be 100% sure of that things will happen, I can't walk around and not knowing."

Nice life-philosophy. With that kind of thinking she is bound to be disappointed.

No one can be sure of anything at a 100 %.
That's not what life is about.
There's always a chance, or a risk (call it what you like...) that some things will not happen, no matter how careful you plan for it.
There's always a chance that people wont be there, for the things you are planning.
Well, as I said, she is bound to get disappointed....
In the meantime, she is considered to be a liar and friends are turning their backs on her, I wonder if she feels it was worth the prize, to be a 100% assured?

The lists... The lists...

2008-02-20T08:20:00.000-08:00

You remember my friend, right?

Well, I am not sure how or why, but somehow she seems to have hit the jackpot of bad luck.

She went to a meeting, with the employment office and the sick insurance-office, she walked in, and said "Well, before you say anything, I have thought, I want to get on the project I was told about last year, the one that I couldn't be in because I just had two heart attacks, but now, I am willing to try."

You might think, that the ladies would jump up and sing and clap their hands, all in joy over that she had an idea what she wanted to do.

But no.

See. The thing is, because of the fact, that she had to turn down the offer, with the project the first time, she could not be a part of it now either.

What she was told was this, "No, you are no longer on the lists, the lists has passed you by, so no."

The lists, kids, remember that... The lists...

One would assume, that it would be the perfect opportunity, to get along with that project, since it was said it would be a project to find out if you were able to get back into the working life again.
But no.
The lists has passed her by.

He coughed.

2008-02-18T03:58:00.001-08:00

It's really weird, how the same thing can feel so different at times, eh?

Like this morning, when I went out in the forest, nothing felt right, the sleeves on my shirt was too tight, my foot hurt, my legs felt like they were filled with led, and in general the whole idea of running seemed like a lousy, lousy idea.

Yes, in short, I felt as graceful as Quasimodo.

However, I bounced on, on the path, meanwhile I was thinking to myself that it must be something seriously wrong with me, I mean, who the hell fooled me into believe that running feels good? I thought to myself, wouldn't it be neat if a moose all of a sudden stood in my way? With this lack of speed that I experienced I might as well just kneel down and say to the moose "Yes, just kick me, I can't move faster than you anyway, just do a little moose-macarena and get it all over and done with right now, I have suffered enough."

However, no moose appeared, but when I came to the "almost-end-of-my-track" I heard something cough, something that definitely was not a human.
I tried to see something through the bushes, but nothing, but damn it, there was that sound again!!!

I froze like an vanilla-ice cream, right there on the path, I just *knew* it was the badger, or maybe one of his friends, and damn, a badger who coughs can't be in a good mood, I mean, I can just go to myself, and when I have a cold I am a really cranky being, and here I was, alone in the forest, with a coughing badger not far away from me!

Well, this was it, I wondered briefly how long it would take before my friends would miss me, and I felt a bit sorry to know I would go down in a fight with a coughing badger.
I have always wanted to be reminded for something, you know, but not for a thing like this.

I am not sure how long I was standing there, on the path, frozen, it felt like half a year, and no, I did not see my whole life passing in front of my eyes, it was more of a vision with a raging badger hanging with his teeth around my feet meanwhile I was howling like a siren.

At the third cough and when I saw the bushes move, my survival instincts must have kicked in, because before I knew it, I was running like hell, I haven't moved so fast since the last badger-meeting, I floated through the air and I swear my feet didn't touch the ground before I was out of the forest.

Now, one could ask oneself, if I am really sure it was a badger, and when did I became an expert on coughing badgers, yes, one could really ask these questions.

All I know is that I really don't feel like getting up in the forest, just to make sure it really is the badger.
But I do know, whatever it is, it sounds like he's really cranky. And irritated. And angry.
That's good enough for me.

Anyone know?

2008-02-17T02:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I take it that you are happy with this template instead?
I haven't heard any remarks about it, so I stick with if for awhile, but just let me know if you long to get back the pink one, and I will get back to it immidately.

However, I suspect I will need sunglasses in order to not be dazzled...

It's Sunday, and I had a helluva night, the night was spent coughing, then when I finally fell asleep, I woke up of the sound of vomiting-sounds. (Sorry, if you're eating while reading, but this is what it was like....)

Diezel, the allmighty cat is sleeping in a desk, and was sitting up and making these noises, before I knew it, I swept him from the desk and put him on the floor, where he did what he had to do.

There's nothing like waking up to that sound, I must say...

After that, I feel a bit cranky and irritated, but I can rise above it, for sure.

But one thing, that I will never understand, is why cats can't seem to move to something less fragile?
(or fragile and fragile, but you know, if you have cats you know they will puke on your carpet, or in your bed, but rarely on the floors, eh?)

I don't have any shoes.

2008-02-15T00:56:00.001-08:00

I'm quite happy my bloke isn't around around now, because if he had heard what I just said to myself he would have said "Oh, typical women!"

It's like this, the sun is shining, I'm waiting for the temperature to rise a bit more, and then, off we go out into the woods.

But. As I said to myself "Which running-shoes should I have? I don't have any shoooes!"

Anyone with normal eyesight would have replied "Umm, what about those six pairs standing there? Or the four pairs standing in the closet?"

Still, I will maintain my position, I don't have any shoes. Not a single pair that will be suited for the conditions outdoors today.

I got to get a new pair. Definitely.

Okay then, just one thing bout love...

2008-02-14T09:41:00.000-08:00

Okay, this one is for all of you lovebirds out there.

I thought it would be appropriate with a quote from our favorite philosopher, the man we know as Kinky Friedman:

"I've always said money may buy you a fine dog, but only love can make it wag its tail. "

I can help!

2008-02-14T09:24:00.000-08:00

I take it, that my neigbours are not celebrating Valentine's day either.

It seems like they are having difficulties with their computer-games.

In fact, they are screaming so loud so I am almost prepared to get up there and offer them my help.

I am sure I can play it much better than them anyway, I am both older and more experienced.

Or, hm, maybe I should be honest.

The thing is I am sure they have a really fun game up there.

And I don't down here.

Are you the one eating chocolate-cherries?

2008-02-14T02:55:00.000-08:00

Okay, this is a question, which will show how much time I have right now, in fact, I was resting after a quite worried stomach, when this question started to haunt me...

Who eat marmelade-candy? Or cherry in chocolate?

Here, there's these chocolate-boxes, always coming with a cherry in chocolate, I have never seen anyone eating it, I always leave it and throw it in the garbage bin.

Why is it there?

I have never met anyone who said they like that cherry/chocolate-piece.

I have never seen anyone excited over seeing the same chocolate in the box, no one has ever showed me any kind of sign that they are just waiting for me to go home so they can throw themselves over the box and take just that precious little chocolate-cherry.

No one. And you know, I am not a spring chicken by now.

And I have seen a lot of chocolate-boxes in my life.

And people.

But, if we think about it, someone somewhere must really like them, right?

If not, why would they be there?

Somewhere, someone in this country (and maybe in your country too?) someone is opening a box of chocolate, and the piece with the cherry is the one they pick first!

Who is it?

And the marmelade... Excuse my English here, you might not understand a thing about what I am now going to explain, but see, my dictionary is too far, and I feel that leaving the desk just in order to get a right word will slow me down.

Okay, are you ready?
Here.

In this country, there is a candy, marmelade rolled in sugar.

I have never seen anyone eating that either.

But, here's the mystery, there are boxes with this marmelade-thingys too!!!

In different flavours.

Someone, somewhere, must be going to a shop, close to you, or me, in this moment, and they will not look at all the delicious chocolate-boxes with fine chocolate, or marcipan, or anything else.

They will walk down the aisle in the supermarket...

And bring home a box of marmelade rolled in sugar!

Why have I never seen anyone in a shop, buying a box of marmelade?
I have been in many shops and supermarkets.

There are lots of boxes with marmelade in sugar.

But I never see anyone touching them...

It's a mystery. A complete mystery.

An enigma.

It bothers me.

Saint Valentine's day.

2008-02-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

First.
I am not a fan of this day as a day when we are supposed to show our love to our nearest and dearest.
I mean, there's no "surprise-factor" involved in it, it becomes predictable, and I don't like when people or shops tell me what to do.

I don't know how you feel, but to me it's much more fun to show my appreciation of people when they least expect it.

So, as far as I am concerned, this day will be an ordinary day, maybe I send a thought to poor Saint Valentine, whoever he might have been....

Well, how do you like me now?

2008-02-12T08:11:00.000-08:00

I think you might suspect I have a big grin on my face right now.

Ahem, well, you can say what you like, but I don't mind any thing.
Not even pink backgrounds...

He he he!
On a more serious note, I just might change it.
That is of course if it comes to my attention that you feel that you're sensitive side don't feel at ease with this template.

He he he!

Gawd, I am tired.

2008-02-12T01:17:00.000-08:00

Gawd, I am tired.
Spend the evening with a friend and her computer.
Very interesting and frustrating.
I think she's got a virus...
Or not her, but her puter.

The spontaneous shutdowns somehow reminds me of my old computer, hm, thinking further, maybe that is the problem, the age of it...

Around eleven in the night we decided to give it a rest.

By then we were both furious and stressed out.

I am a very, very tired person today.

Burma Regime Defies UN with Sham Referendum and Election

2008-02-11T01:49:00.001-08:00

http://www.burmacampaign.org.uk/pm/weblog.php?id=P328

More about Burma.

2008-02-11T01:45:00.001-08:00

http://www.mizzima.com/MizzimaNews/News/2008/Feb/index.html

Burma.

2008-02-11T01:35:00.001-08:00

http://paraussies.blogspot.com/2008/02/preparing-for-worst-to-understand-how.html

Part three. Hopefully the end.

2008-02-10T02:58:00.001-08:00

I got a phone call from my friend.

She was sounding a bit more happy, which made me happy.

She told me, she had talked to the doctor on the phone, and he had some interesting things to say.

Like...
That "hadn't anyone told her, that if you suffer from a heart attack, it is common that you go through a personality change?"
"Well, they did say that I can have a hard time to remember things, which I have noticed, also I felt more in a bad mood lately..."

And he asked "Well, are you eating a lot of medication?"
"Six pills every day."
"Has any doctor asked to know what you are eating, so they are sure the pills won't instead make you worse, because the combination is not good for you?"
"Hm, no.. They just asked if I need something more."

And...
"Well, it is usual that people get into a depression after a heart-attack, I think you might be in that zone, in fact, I think you are having a depression. Our job now, is to catch you before it goes to deep."

And.
"You can relax now, I will help you, I'm not going to let you slip between the chairs anymore as you have seem to been doing earlier."

No wonder, she felt relieved, eh?
Now, let's all hope for the best.

Between part one, and part two....

2008-02-10T02:47:00.001-08:00

Between part one, and part two, this occurred...

I think we all have established she wasn't feeling healthy at all, right?

She did have a phone number left, one to what was said to be "a mobile team" which you can talk to if you feel worse. She got that number from a friend, who said they could help out...

She tried to call them, after having a massive panic- attack in a super mall, got through, and talked to a very nice man.
He said "That doesn't sound good at all, well, I have to talk to a nurse here, and they will get back to you."
"When?" she said.
"Hopefully today."

She called me, one hour later, and no one had called her back.
The next day, someone did.. The same nice man, and guess what he told her?

Yes. Exactly. You guessed it, right?

That " Since she was okay in September, she could not see anyone from them, she should call the local hospital."
"That helps a lot" she said.

But.
This man, who also did tell her, that he felt very bad having to direct her to the hospital, also gave her a number, direct to this doctor, which she tried to reach for a couple of days..

Good company.

2008-02-09T08:04:00.000-08:00

I have spent the afternoon with Alan Banks and Tom Petty.
Not a bad company, eh?

Right now I am reading Peter Robinson's latest "Friend of the devil", a very good company a Saturday afternoon.

My neighbour, bless him, techno-freak as he is, is trying to overloud (hm, new word?) with his music.
There's only two problems with this.
1. He seem to have really crappy speakers.
I don't have crappy speakers.

2. Sound is always travelling upwards.

As if that wasn't enough, I surely have some good punk-records and other metal in case it is necessary.

Part two.

2008-02-09T00:44:00.000-08:00

Well, the part two then, eh?

Hm, I wish I could say, that I heard everything was sorted out.
But not really.

After the weekend, she was told that the E-office and the SI-office would work together on her case, in order to try and help her, to get back into a working life.
So, what she was supposed to do, was to get in contact with the E-office.
This is a good plan.

It might have worked out.

There's just one little thing.

When the day came, when she was supposed to get in contact with the E-office she couldn't bring herself to do it.
Not the following days either.

What she could do, and did very well was this:
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing.

Besides having anxiety and panic attacks....

So... What did she do?
She called the local hospital, and got a phone nr to a doctor, who would be "back after lunch".
Now, as she said "I am not sure how long their lunches are, but three days seem a bit long to me..."

Eventually, she did get through, and a date set.

She is absolutely right when she says that "you have to be well enough to have the strength to try and get through to all the different instances."

Now... I am thinking about all of those who doesn't have the strength.

Or have friends or relatives who are backing them up...

How the hell do they manage, and how do they feel?

"The woman who said Ok." Part One.

2008-02-07T00:04:00.000-08:00

By now, nothing surprises me anymore.
Let's play with this scenario for awhile...

That somewhere, someone was sick...

In September, she went to see a psychologist, because she felt down.
They talked for 20 minutes, then the psychologist said "Well, I see nothing wrong with you, let's say, that next time you feel bad, contact your local hospital, okay?
"Ok." this someone said, because, maybe, just maybe, she felt like she didn't have the strength to say "No, you don't get it, I am NOT well, I need help, I want to see someone else, and get a second opinion."

So, she said "Ok..."

And went home, after a couple of weeks, she had two heart infarcts in two weeks....
One might wonder, if stress and anxiety might have had something to do with it, eh?

Anyway, she got under surgery, twice, came home, and you know, when something like that happens, you begin to realize that you are, in fact, very deadly.
This might, sometimes make people to start and think a lot.

So did she. But she decided "To hell with it."

So... When a letter came, from the social insecurity-office, which said, that she would be investigated in order to see if she could work, she went.
Thought that maybe she could.
The lady at the SI-office, looked in her papers, and said, "woo, slow down, I don't think you're
"working material" yet, let's do like this, when your sick-leave is finished, somewhere in January, you call us, and we'll see if we can get you in work-training."

"Okay." she said.

However, the thoughts came back, you know, thoughts sometimes do... So, she called the psychologist-place again, telling them, she needed to talk to someone.
"Well, we'll check your paper, and get back to you. Okay?"
"Ok." She said.

Next day, she got a call, and they said "Well, since you were here, in September, and was doing fine then, according to the papers, we suggest you call your local hospital instead. If you're really bad, they'll send you over."
"Okay." She said.

The visit to the doctor, you can read in this blog, at another place.
It didn't really turn out as she imagined. She got linked to an EKG, which showed nothing, mostly it doesn't show anything if you have panic attacks, as she said, to the doctor.
And the doctor told her that she could get a pill. To loosen up a bit.
This time, she didn't say "Ok."
She said "NO."

The days went by. Now it was not even 14 days till her sick-leave would be outdated.
She thought, "Well, I will call the SI-office, and talk to them and see if I can get work-training, I will try and see if I can...
It was a thrill. She talked to a lot of people, but no one knew anything, but maybe someone else did, but no, but maybe someone else. So, she told her story a lot of times, and it didn't make her feel any better, as she said "Well, I talked and talked and broke down and talked and broke down...."
The last lady at the office said, "No, you can not get that, without a doctor writing a paper that you are still sick."
"But what am I supposed to do then?"
"But, they say there's nothing wrong with me, and they won't transfer me to a shrink either..."
"Well, call them again."
"Ok." she said
But, instead, she called the employment office.

It was a thrill. She talked to a lot of people there too, same story, same breakdowns, and same answer that "they didn't know anything about this, but maybe someone else, just hold on and we'll find someone else."
Finally she talked to someone who knew a little bit more.
So, she said.
"Well, if I come down the 31st, can you get me in somewhere, so I can try and see if I can go back to a working life?"
"Oh, no, you shouldn't do that!"
"Why?"
"Well, first of all, we don't have anything like that, second, if you manage to work for awhile, but then get sick, it will be a lot harder for you to get a doctor's certificate, which the SI-office will agree upon, since you went to work a bit, third, if you can't work, as "normal", you will be filed under "challenged un-employed" here, which will leave a mark in your record for the rest of your life.
"So, what am I supposed to do?"
"Call back to the SI-office, and tell them what I said, you can tell them to call me, maybe they have an idea."
"Ok." she said.

She didn't call them, that day, she was by then totally mentally drained.

Then, she heard, that somewhere, some new organization was starting up. An organization, made for people who got caught between the chairs of the Employment office and SI-office.
Maybe they could help?

As it was said, on the news, there were people both from The E-office, and SI-office working there, in order to help out.

Next day, she called the SI-office, the lady at the customer-service had no idea.
She never heard of it.
"Well, can you try and find someone who does?"
"I don't know how I'm supposed to do that..."

This someone, who usually said okay, suddenly felt angry as hell, so from somewhere, from something, she got the power to say
"Well, now you listen to me, you find someone who knows something, I will wait, and I don't care how long it's going to take. Ok!?
The lady at the customer service was not happy, but she agreed.
After a while, she eventually found someone, and came back, giving her two numbers to call.

She called, and damn!
Someone knew something immediately there!
Isn't that weird?

They said, "Well, it's not supposed to be like this, I understand if you feel upset, getting no information anywhere, even a healthy person would be drained of energy having to tell their life-story to almost half a town, and not getting any help anywhere. But, just relax now, we'll try and work it out, now, just take it slow and easy, we'll talk again, after the weekend."
"Ok." She said.

She did take it easy, that weekend, in fact, she had no strength to do anything else.
Funny how that works, eh?

And here, I'll leave you for this time...

Ponder over, if this could be Sweden, 2008?

(If you want to read the first story about this, it's filed under "It's hard not to get mad" in January.)

Is it an evil genius?

2008-02-05T00:06:00.000-08:00

I wrote about how easy it is to get in contact with the social insurance office in this country in my Swedish blog.
In order to cut it to the chase, all I can say is that after pushing almost every button on the phone, (and when I thought that I was finally done with the finger-exercise) the metallic voice told me "We're overstrained. Try again later." and then I was disconnected...

Being the well-mannered bastard, I threw the phone in the wall and howled to the skies (and the neighbors "Why, why, why!?"

Well, no, I didn't.
But a question came to mind, why not let the metallic voice tell you right at the beginning that they are overstrained, and the possibility, that after several gymnastic minutes with the phone, you will only end up being disconnected?
Why even bother with asking a million questions, when the whole result is nada, nothing, njet?

Is it an evil genius at the social insecurity (oops...)office who thought up this plan?
What's the point?
I don't know.
I still haven't gotten through.

Just leave me on a rock.

2008-02-03T23:33:00.000-08:00

............

There's life-coaches, new age, new interior-designers, smartest ways to loose weight, smartest ways to improve your sex-life, smartest ways to be happy, dress like this or like that, listen to this or that, buy the newest car, or computer, be online 26 hours a day, always be reachable, make sure you got your i-pod, your cell phone and don't ever ignore a call because you might be missing out on something, move your lawn like your neighbors, plant these flowers, eat this food, it's not so good as you might expect, but mind you, it's trendy as hell, go to the hottest clubs, wear the trendiest jeans, are everyone thinking black is the new black now? Well, then I think so too! Even if I prefer purple.
Buy baskets that costs 100 dollars, make sure the label is easy to see for everyone, don't laugh to high, never say that you don't approve of what someone else might be thinking, be political correct even in your sleep...
If everyone is carrying a little dog with them, I want that too, even if I don't like dogs so much, and even if I somewhere suspect that dogs can walk....
Is everyone reading that author now? Me too! Even if I don't understand a word what he's going on about.

But I don't want to.
It's okay, I know, I am a dinosaur, just leave me out in the desert on a rock.
At least I will be able to watch the starry skies alone. As long as it doesn't become trendy.

It makes me look both strange and drunk....

2008-02-03T04:48:00.000-08:00

Hi lads and ladettes...

The snow has returned...
Yes, I am not happy at all.

At the Swedish blog, I wrote a history about my first encounter with a horse,
then, lazy as everyone should be, I found a page which promised to translate it into English.

It was hilarious!!!
I have laughed, and laughed for quite a while now, reading the translation surely makes the blog-owner (which would be me) look both strange and definitely very drunk.
I could post it here, but you wouldn't get how fun it is, unless you know both Swedish and English....

So.. Then I thought, well, maybe I could translate it myself, immidately I ran into different kinds of problems.

Like "What's the name of the thing that you use to direct the horse to go in a certain direction?"
and other little issues of mine.

Yes, I have the dictionary somewhere, but friday was spent cleaning the dungeon, and you know, (or maybe you don't...) whenever I clean the flat I can't seem to find anything.

Yes, I know, it would be easier if I put everything where it "should be", but then again, that just wouldn't be me...

So, I will return, when I find the dictionary, with this story about me and Manolito.
Till then, I see you here tomorrow, same time, same place.

Giddiyap! (ah, one cowboy-word, eh?)

I am shocked!

2008-02-01T01:30:00.000-08:00

I am shocked!
(Here in Sweden, everyone are "shocked" or "rave" about stuff in the newspapers, I don't want to be a lesser person than them.)
So.
I am shocked!

How come Babblefish doesn't translate Swedish?
The proud language which has had such interesting characters as the first globetrotters, also known as the Vikings? Abba? Bjorn Borg? Me?

How come?
I am shocked.

(besides that, the spell check doesn't work for me right now.
I am shocked!)

It's so damn good.

2008-01-31T01:20:00.000-08:00

Oh by the way!!!
Here's a recepy as a thanks for what to do with the kokonut-milk.
First, it's so damn good!

What you need for four people:
Patience.
One yellow onion
Two cloves of garlic (yes, you can take more, go on, you know you want to.)
Two parsnips.
6-8 potatoes. (but I took only five and more parsnips.)
Two carrots. (Yes, I took three.)
Stock, 7-8 dl (if you think it becomes to mushy, add a bit more.)
Red currypaste, 2-3 teaspoons. (Taste between the spoons. Add more if you want to..)
1½ dl red lenses.
Salt and pepper.
Coriander or parsley.
Olive oil or butter. Two tablespoons it says, but you know, do as you feel....

Rinse the lenses, cut up the carrots, parsnips and the potatoes in bitesize chunks,
and cut up the onion and the garlic.

So. Bring out the biggest pot you have, put it on the stove, in with the oil, let it
get warm, dash in the onions and stir them till they become almost soft.
No, not all soft, just almost.

Then, in with the garlic.
(yes, it smells good, doesn't it?)

Let it simmer a bit, then in with the parsnips, carrots and the potatoes, you should
have the stove quite warm, and let them get a lil bit of color.

Take the stock, the currypaste and add it with the lenses.

Slam a lid on, and let it cook untill the roots are soft, yes, it should be all mushy , not like
mashed potatoes, but def. mushy.

Throw in the coriander. Or the parsley.

Then, eat it.
It is sooo damn good.

This just won't do!

2008-01-31T00:54:00.000-08:00

High irritation-factor this morning.

It is freezing cold out there... Snow on the houses.
I thought I had told the weather-gods this just wasn't acceptable.
It also means my run in the woods is a bit delayed.
I can't run and slide through the paths like som mad hatter.
That just won't do.

Besides that, I am glad to say that the Swedish blog is up and running, for you others out there in the world, maybe use the Babblefish, I am sure it can be quite interesting to read how that is translated, he he!

I am also, (besides my irritation over the fact that the weather-gods ignore me,) in a quite jolly kinda mood.
This morning, around 7.30, you could see how the dawn came!
We're heading for the spring..

I can't wait...
Give me springflowers, green grass, people in short sleeves and all of that...

Anyway, we'll meet here tomorrow, same time, same place.

No. I am not dumb. Just confused.

2008-01-29T08:43:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry...

I got all carried away with the latest project of mine.

Writing in Swedish...Got myself a blog written all in Swedish, how about it, eh?

Yep...

One would think there would be no problems doing it, but the weird thing, (and trust me, it is weird...) is that it seems like at the same time I go online, I immediately start to think in English.

I know, it's sad...

You might even want to ask me "are you as stupid as other people who moved to another country and all of a sudden forget their original lingo?"

It almost seems like that, eh?

But, you have to also understand one thing...

That, during all the years I've been online I have always read mostly English sites, or talked English with my friends who are coming from all parts of this world.

All of my websites has always been in English.. That's just how it always has been, yes, it seems like the English lingo has a certain attraction for me.

So... I sit and try to write in Swedish, meanwhile the thoughts are wandering around in English.

It is a bit confusing.

And no. I am not dumb.

Just confused.

Give me a break!

2008-01-28T08:42:00.000-08:00

Snow again!?Geezes...
What have I done to deserve it? (yes, it is of course only me who suffers. no one else...)

And... Why, why, why, dammit why do I only get the local Stockholm news?
I don't care about how the Stockholmer's have it in their town and surroundings.
Give me back my local-TV!!!!

Yes, I do realize it is not going to change by raving and ranting on this blog.Thank you for listening.We'll meet here tomorrow, same time, same place.

Yeah, I'm the compassionate kinda woman...

2008-01-26T04:00:00.000-08:00

I'm a compassionate bastard.

When I hear some people ranting, screaming for order and tougher attitudes in life, I am able to think that those people really would benefit from a hug or two.

However...
I am not so compassionate that I could imagine myself giving them one.

But someone else out there maybe could.

Where did it go!?

2008-01-26T02:39:00.000-08:00

Just so you know.
I am not banning any comments here, but the one about sneezing in an envelope, just went away!?
I marked it as "publish" and didn't even read it to the full, because I thought I would be able to do it when it was published.
Now I never will know what it said!
Damn.

Well, there's obviously nothing wrong with my appetite.

2008-01-25T09:33:00.000-08:00

Wishlist:

1. Tons of honey-water.

2. Whiskey and coffee. In that order.

3. Ice cream

4. Chili marinated prawns with basmati-rice and marinated garlic.

5. Dave Allen on TV

6. Cough-drops.

7. More ice cream.

8. Two well-behaved cats, who's main-interest isn't to fly around the walls like they were trying to imitate bats or whatever the heck it is they are doing.

(And yes, I know, well-behaved cats are also that, a contradiction in terms.)

9. A fine white Brie, crackers and maybe a Camembert baked in the oven.

10. Maybe a little, little bit of some fine chocolate.

11. Mint-chocolate! Oh!

12. A phone call from Kinky Friedman wishing me good health.

13. Maybe, just maybe a little more ice cream.

I know it doesn't make sense...

2008-01-25T09:14:00.000-08:00

(I know, I am writing so much today so I doubt you can keep up with me. A fever seems to be, if not productive, the perfect way to keep me at the computer...)

Frankly, I am not bored, but it disturbs me a lot that my new running-shoes are standing here, in the hall without me having a chance to try them out.

It's like they are calling on me "Come on, let's go for a run!" (and as any concerned reader, feel free to say "Go for a run? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?"

Yes, it is.

But that is what they are saying. You can't expect shoes who are imaginary-talking to make sense.

Here's a bargain for you!

2008-01-25T08:58:00.000-08:00

In case someone is interested;
I have a fever and a cold which I gladly will exchange for something else.

It has rarely been used, and is still very fresh and new and anyone who wants to take it over can look forward to hours of sneezing and coughing, add to that a fever which will paint roses on your cheeks and give your eyes an interesting glint.

It wont be any delays in deliverance either, just tell me and I'll be over and cough in your face immediately.

This is just between me and you.

2008-01-25T06:26:00.000-08:00

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know...
To lay down the whole future surely seems drastic to even me.
What I meant was of course, film-making in general.

Anyway, another exciting update, I have slept like a log, cleaned the litter box, coughed and cursed a bit, and watched the figure skaters on the telly.

And this... This is just between me and you.. I really love figure skating. I could watch it for hours. Every year it is like this. I start watching, pretending I don't care.
But I do.
I check up the newspapers so I won't miss any programs.
Then I lie on the couch, and just "aaah!" and "ooh!" and "oh no!" or "he he he!"
The first two comments are of course when I see something really well done,
the third if someone falls on their ass very bad, the last if someone falls in a Stan &
Laurel-funny-way.

Right now I am in fact missing a bit of the women's free skating.
I really should not.
Talk to you later.

Yep, no doubt about it!

2008-01-25T02:25:00.000-08:00

"In nine lifetimes, you'll never know as much about your cat as your cat knows about you."

Yep, Michel de Montaigne of course.

One of the coolest dude in the 16th Century.

I decided that we can lay down the future. (sorry...)

2008-01-25T01:14:00.000-08:00

Hiyas... I just realized we need to lay down the future.
Yep. I am sorry if you feel depressed by the thought, but being the sick (but always soo brave..hrm) bastard I am, I realized it when I sat her, coughing and sneezing (but still brave) that no movie of importance has been made since after 96.

Besides, these three movies that I will guide you too, are the only ones you ever need.

Now, don't argue with me, just agree, you know I got a cold and have a tendency to get cranky when colds appear in my life.

So, ready?
Here we go.

1. The Blues Brothers. You can never, never watch it too many times.
Not only is it a perfect blend of fine humor, car-crashes and fine music, you can also learn about the importance of being cool.
Always.
If you imagine Jake and Elwood after the bricks hit them in the head, I am always like that.
Or, strive to be. I already got my glasses...

2. The Commitments.
Not only is it a perfect blend of fine humor, no car-crashes (too bad...), and fine music.
There you will (in case you didn't learn the importance of music) once again learn that music makes the world go round.

3. Trainspotting.
Well, there you got a real "kick you in the head-kinda-movie."
It nothing for a sensitive soul. It's gets really ugly at times.
I have never been interested in narcotics, and this movie surely makes me more sure of that narcotics never is the answer to any question, no matter what the question might be.
But there's also fine sense of humor, no car-crashes(yes, it lacks at least one fine car-crash.), fine music, but also real "kick you in the mind-moments", (I know I said it one time already. I am the repetitive type, okay?) there's tears, laughter and sorrow and joy.

Yep, so kids, that's all you need to know.
No need to thank me.

Iggy Pop - Lust for Life - Trainspotting soundtrack

2008-01-25T01:01:00.001-08:00

You can't have Bowie without adding a wee bit of Iggy Pop. From one of my fav. movies, besides the BB-movie of course....

David Bowie - heroes - original video 1977

2008-01-25T00:50:00.001-08:00

This morning, I wish I felt like a hero. But too bad, my friends, I'm a sick bastard today. But Bowie is always Bowie.

Never mind me...

2008-01-24T10:39:00.000-08:00

*COUGH!*

(Sorry. Just couldn't help it. I'm fine. No worries...)

Or....
No...
That damned cold is progressing like a fire in a paper-factory...

But, no worries. I am brave. I won't whine a bit.
Not at all.

*AAAAaaatjjoo!*

Did I hear someone say "Bless you!" ?

Thanks a lot.
More exciting updates on my galloping cold will come later on.
Now I got important things to do...

Like;
crash on the couch and look weak.

Bring me the garlic quick!

2008-01-23T23:20:00.001-08:00

Morning people...
This mornings revelation for me; I am a cursing person.
It's not like I realized it before, but it hit me when I was thinking that I should tell you that when you write comments it makes me happy as hell. I thought to myself "surely there must be other ways to express my joy" but thinking again upon the matter of the subject, I quickly realized that expressing it in other words would only sound like I am a pompous bastard, and call me what you like, but bastard, yes, pompous, no.

So, it makes me happy as hell. Yep. Indeedy. Right on. Spot on. (Why do I get the feeling that I now instead sound like a sea dog spending too long time out on the seven seas? Hm... )

Second matter...
It's not like I want to worry you, but I think I'm coming down with a cold.
(yes, here is a good place to look concerned and shout"ooh no!" and "geezes, you poor bastard!")
The signs are there. I am coughing. I am sneezing. I feel woozy.
But I am brave. We all know that. I will fight this with every garlic I can find in my kitchen.

Third. The snow is gone. Again.
(Yes, I know, I didn't tell you we got snow again, in fact it made me so sad and pissed off so I couldn't bear to tell you.)
But, oh happy days, it's gone, gone, gone!!!
For good I hope.

Fourth. I am nowadays digitalized. Or, my television is.
I now got (just for 14 days...) 49 channels.
Still, nothing going on worth watching.

Fifth. Something weird is going on, I hear a song on the radio, it sounds like Nick Cave, but a Nick Cave, slightly more happy than usual.
First I can't decide if I like it or not.
The radio speaker says something that sounds like Ringo after the song, but I think to myself, yeah, right, Ringo...

Second time, I find I kinda like that song, it has something, but I wonder what's happened with Nick Cave, and why is he singing about Liverpool?

(I know.. Ringo... Liverpool... The clues were there, but not a chance in hell that I could puzzle them together.)
After the song ended, I heard "Well, that was Ringo Starr with his latest song."

Well, there you go. Ringo. Hm, not bad at all. Not bad at all.

Anyway, dudes, dudettes, right now I am signing off in order to find me some Echinagard,
later.

Body-language folks, that's the way to go!

2008-01-21T23:42:00.000-08:00

...Yes... I am very interested in human behaviour.
Came to think about another thing, which I tried out at the last year's book-sale (which is a big hoopla here in Sweden, with more people than there's ants in an ant hill.)

I had read in a book of Desmond Morris, that we act, unconsciously very much on the body language from others. For example, he said, that if we comprehend someone as very big and powerful, we step aside and leave them room....

I am not a big person, in fact I am quite short, or, quite short, but okay, average short...
So... There I was, outside the book shop, looking in, seeing all these millions (okay, maybe not millions but a lot of people) mingling around the books....

Usually, being the shorty I am, I have to wait in line in order to actually see the books, a thing I don't mind, since I am such a timid bastard.

But not this time, I tried to look big and bold as a barn-door to a huuuge barn, I raised my head, chin up and walked in like a gorilla on steroids, and stepped forward to the table...

And I'll be damned, but didn't it work!!!

People gave me a quick glance, and stepped aside so I could see everything immediately!

Body-language, people, that's the way to go!

Here's the thing...

2008-01-21T23:37:00.000-08:00

He he... Just came to think about this...
Here's the fun part... When people notice, that someone (which would be me) are standing, obviously talking to groceries, the first thing you see, in the corner of your eye, is how they try and spot if you have that little thingy in your ear you know? The cellphone-thingy that looks like a gigantic ugly clip...

When they realize you don't, they look away, obviously puzzled, and try to get on with whatever they were doing, but they can't avoid to give you quick glances. Even if they don't want to...

Yes... I know... I am a very easily amused bastard. Very...

I am not quite sure how it started...

2008-01-21T23:31:00.001-08:00

No, I have no idea why I started to talk to groceries in the first place.
Yes, you can say "Well, to me, it sounds more like a case of talking to yourself."
which of course it is, though still I have picked something to talk to, and yes, one might say that the response from the cereals for example is equal with noll, nada, njet and so on, but still that is the response you can get when you talk to another human being too, so, not much difference there.

The only thing that is different is that I get to watch my fellow humans reactions.
And that is a lot of fun, I tell you that...

Have you talked to your groceries lately?

2008-01-21T23:18:00.000-08:00

The older I get, the more odd habits I seem to develop.
A fact that pleases me very much.

The latest habit I've picked up is talking to groceries.

One would think, that the sight of a person standing and talking to a packet of musli would make people taking long walks around you, right?
I found it's quite the contrary, people sort of try not to stare, but you see that they can't resist, then start to make swirling movements around me, until they finally end up so close so that they can hear what is being said.
Then they listen for awhile, before they start to talk to. To me i.e.

I have no explanation why. If it was me, I wouldn't.

It's hard not to get mad.

2008-01-18T00:49:00.000-08:00

I understand if you haven't felt entertained here lately.
I haven't either, in case that's any comfort to you.

But it's hard, not getting pissed off, when you see friends getting caught between a rock and a hard place.

It's hard, not to react, when you meet someone you once knew, before they got sick, and then hear their stories, about investigations in order to check if you are healthy or not.
Investigations ending, with the person in tears, so stressed up so she can't even find her way home.

Or, seeing one of my best friends, being denied the chance to talk to a psychologist, because "you was here in September, then you were fine. If it's anything you need, see the hospital, maybe they can send you further, to here."
So, she goes to the local hospital, they say "Well, I understand if you are worried, but you know what? Here's a little pill, that will make you (and here the Doctor rolls his eyes and wiggles his head) feel like this..."

You know... It's hard, to not get pissed off.

The kind of argument that goes by me with the sound of someone letting out the air of a balloon...

2008-01-17T00:03:00.000-08:00

Interesting...
This seems more and more like a political blog, hmm..
Well, what can I say...

You can tell me all that you want, that you're not interested in politics, that it doesn't concern you, (I love that argument, to me, whenever I hear it, it comes with a sound-illustration in my mind, the sound of someone letting out air of a balloon, you know, that squeaking sound?)

To me, it's quite interesting to believe politic does not concern you...
I guess they also think the world revolves around their shoulders too.

Still, I wouldn't call myself being "into" politics, but I do believe it is of some interest to know what is decided or not in my own country, as well as, knowing a little bit about what's going on in the rest of the world..
But that's just me, a (right now) quite angry bastard, but still, as charming as always.

No use to come crying now...

2008-01-16T23:36:00.000-08:00

Morning...
No, it's not a good one.
Still pissed off if you pardon my French.
(there's a thought, we should be French, then we would be out marching the streets telling what we really thought instead of clinching our fists in our pockets and settle in the lines.)

One thing is true, we got the government we asked for, or at least, what the majority asked for.
I hope everyone who voted in favour for them are happy now.
It is also true, that they said, in their speeches what would happen.

No use to come crying now, about the cutting down on social welfare and raising the fees to the unemployment funds, so much that some people in fact, can't afford to pay it, the idea of making more hospitals into the private sector and so on...
They did tell you this would happen. They did....
But maybe some were so blinded of the promise of paying less taxes and getting more money in their wallets so they didn't hear.

For those... Who only heard the promise about more cash, and now complains....
Shame on you.

If I wanted "witty" or "clever" I would turn to Mark Twain or Wilde.

2008-01-16T03:27:00.000-08:00

Yes. I am in an angry mood today.
No wonder, I see friends caught up in Moment 22-situations, but there is no humor involved in them as it is in the book...

Also... The party leader debate this morning also set me off.

Geezes, could they for just one time stop to try and be witty or come with sarcastic remarks about the other parties and instead come to solutions?

If I wanted "witty" or "clever", I would turn to Wilde or Twain.

"...happy I'm not you."

2008-01-16T02:09:00.000-08:00

I am so damn happy I am not one of those, who believe that people are in general a bunch of criminals trying to fool me, all others and the state.

I am glad I am not one of those who thinks that, "I don't care about what's going on in other countries, in fact, we should stop to "cuddle" with other countries, our money is needed here."

I am so damn happy, that I am not one of those who believe that people who are sick, are only sick in order to piss me off and (of course) in order to fool the State.

I am so over me with joy that I don't sit with a pretentious smile on my face, saying "Oh well, all of those who are unemployed, they are just lazy."

I am so damn happy, that I don't believe all immigrants are "stealing" our jobs.

I am so happy I am not one of you.

Little does she know..

2008-01-15T01:50:00.000-08:00

You remember the killer-hill, right?
Little does Holly know, that today I think would be a great day to introduce Holly to the killer-hill in a proper way, meaning actually conquer it.

But I suspect I need to work on my arguments for doing so, a bit more...

The last one "Well, it's such a steep hill, so don't worry about how hard it will be to run all the way up, you need to both climb and run." didn't really seem to enthusiasm her more.

Oh well... Maybe I can say that we can pause in the middle and have a coffee or something...

Today's wisdom: "Fall in love with a chef at least one time in your life."

2008-01-15T01:11:00.000-08:00

...So, a lazy Tuesday for me, been reading blogs, cleaning litter boxes, had breakfast and so on.. All those million things that really don't interest anyone except me.

But. I came to think about food. (yes, again... who would have guessed...)

To me food is important, it is love, it is a treat, it is a way to make me feel better by knowing what I eat, it is an adventure to come to a new table and eat something I never had before, I want to eat my food slow, enjoy it, and I am not able to just put something in my stomach if I don't like it.
It hasn't always been like this.

When I was young,I used to work at a place where we had no pauses, we were lucky if we could throw down a burger or something between customers, I used to dream about the day when someone came up with a pill with all the nutrition needed for one day, I would subscribe to it, I thought.
Coffee and me was like a hand in the glove.
It was beautiful times, I was young, my stomach could handle anything, life was good.

Yes. I know... It didn't last. My stomach all of a sudden seemed to have a life of it's own.
A not so happy life. I stopped with the coffee.
A bit better. But still my tummy wasn't a happy camper.
Then... I met a chef.
I would suggest anyone with bad food-habits to fall in love with a chef.

He looked at my refrigerator, the sad remains of yogurt and food for the cats with disbelief, then turned around asking me "What do you eat?"
"Hrm, anything that is quick..."
"That's horrible!"
"Well, I'm a busy person, I can't be around the stove 24/7. Besides, eating is overrated."

Strangely, he didn't walk out through the door, instead, he started to invite me home for dinners, true to my nature I gulped it down in five minutes or so.

I still have no idea what it tasted like, but I bet it was delicious.
He, on the other hand, enjoyed his food.
Conversed and acted like a human being, in opposite to the gorilla-behaving woman he invited to his table.
It was very educational meals for me.
I started to take after his habits.
I started to taste the food.
I started to try out new stuff.
Found it excellent in some cases, bad in some...
I started to eat fish. And veggies. Tofu. And so on...

Okay, so that love didn't last, but when we came to our fork (sic!) in the road, I had a huge burning love for food and what it can be.
It's even like this, you never see me throw down any groceries in my basket, (like I noticed some of you do..) no, I gently put them down and tuck them next to the others.
Ah yeah... Such a sensitive bastard I have become...

I tell you...
Everyone should fall in love with a chef at least once in their life.

Don't say a word.

2008-01-14T23:39:00.000-08:00

...by now it can't be a secret that I have a helluva bad morning-temper.
I happened to switch onto one of the commercial morning-shows where people act like they've had a massive caffeine-overdose. Lots of loud voices and big gestures...

Yes, I frowned and yes, maybe I even growled...

But this morning I realized what would be the perfect morning-show on the telly for me.

People sitting around a table, drinking coffee, slowly sipping their cups, maybe have a cig or a cigar ,looking at each other nodding.
Not a word would be said.

If I were free to choose I would like the participants to be Axl Rose, Gene Simmons and Kinky Friedman.

I am sure they would be able to "talk" just with their face-expressions and body-languages.

What an excellent show it would be.

Oh no, you didn't?

2008-01-14T12:06:00.001-08:00

No.
In fact, I did not add any chipotle paste at all.
Marinated the heck out of the salmon, I let it swam in Teriyaki sauce,
then some sesame seeds on it.
Very good, but it lacked the chipotle paste.

Besides that, I taught my friend, Eve how to get an email-account,
even how to use it.
It was very interesting for both her and I.

She did not want to have anything to do with the computer so I had to force her into the chair and held a long declaration about passwords and so on, (the usual stuff about that they shouldn't be too easy, not her own name or her pets and so on.)

When I was done with my lecture, I looked down on her, saying in a strict tone
"Now, what kind of password would you like to choose, young lady?"
With sparkling eyes she said " My dog's name!"

It is a very lucky thing that I am so fond of my friends, but you know,
sometimes I have a feeling they don't listen to me at all....

...it's a dangerous road to follow...

2008-01-14T01:07:00.000-08:00

Since my friend in San Fransisco initiated me to the Chipotle paste
I have noticed almost everything I cook seems to need a little bit of it.

Today, I am fraternizing with the thought of Chipotle paste with creme fraiche and just a hint of lemon as a zest over the salmon,
then right into the oven.

I wonder if maybe chipotle paste could go with the porridge in the morning, or am I taking it too far?
I know.
I am addicted.
I love every second of it.

Half of what I'm thinking would be enough

2008-01-13T23:43:00.000-08:00

Half of what I am thinking would be enough....
Just look at a few thoughts that runs through my head in the morning...
"I don't get why some use botox, something doesn't look right anyway, hmm, what can it be? It is... It is... Damn, what is it? The eyes! It's the eyes!!! Yeah, the eyes still show the age, that's it. But think about how it would be to be famous, to live of their looks? Damn, what a nightmare, why do people want to become famous anyway? Just look at Britney Spears, hell it's a witch-hunt after her...
And others want the same fame as her? Geezes, people are weird. Or even "People are strange" as Jim Morrison said..

I mean, think about Thoreau, in the 1800, he already said that reading more than one newspaper a week was almost too much, gee, old Thoreau would faint if he lived during these time and age, he would skip off to Walden again, just like that...

Hmm, I wonder if one shouldn't been a cat? Just look at them... Up for half an hour, eating, litter box, a little cuddle, then raw-sleep (yes, raw-sleep, I like that word..)for as long as I wish... What a life. Though I would miss the food. On the other hand, being a cat maybe that food would be the top to have? Hmm...

Now, look at that.. The sun... Two days in a row? Now, don't spoil us here.. But it's still cold as hell.. Should I have a cig?
I wait a minute, or so. Damn, I forgot to use the pomegranate. Again! Running out of lemons, hmm, I should start with porridge again in the morning... Maybe I should get the bike out? Maybe a bit too early...
Or should I sit down and write a blog? Wow... 100 posts? Already? During one and a half month? Someone has too much time on her hands... So, this should be the 101Th then? I had no idea I have so much to say. Or, of course, I know I have a lot to say, but not so much to write. Then again, if we should look at the quality of the writing, hmmm.. But hell, it's just a diary, right? A diary should be filled with everything. I should have a cigg now.
Yes. Definitely.

Food is life.

2008-01-11T00:22:00.000-08:00

....Yesterday, a show aired: "The meaning of food", as a host you can see Marcus Samuelsson, and here I am quoting direct from the web page http://www.pbs.org/opb/meaningoffood/about/ ( you should click this link, and the episodes, because then you get a clue what this show is about):
"The Meaning of Food is a three-part limited documentary series that explores our relationships to food and reveals the connection food has to our identity: personal, cultural, and familial. Everything about eating—including what we consume, how we acquire it, who prepares it, who’s at the table, and who eats first—is a form of communication that is rich with meaning. Our attitudes, practices, and rituals surrounding food are a window into our most basic beliefs about our world and ourselves."

The first episode, was something of the best I've seen in this genre, in fact, thinking about it, I haven't seen a show talking about food in this sense.

Somewhere in the show, they say so much memories are connected to food.

Some of my best memories are connected to meals, remembrances of the friends who were there, as well of some of my worst, the funeral coffees, who only made me think about those who weren't there and never would be again.

The sensation of trying out something you never had before and find a new favourite dish.
Or an autumn-day, totally gray, when your friend invites you to her summerhouse, a little old house, that is kneeling, with broken tile, under trees that are so old that you almost can hear them speak to each other"Do you remember the storm in the late 16Th century?".

Yeah... Food is life...